Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
少年的煩惱?
近日所煩的都是少年才應該有的煩惱
但我已經成人了，不其然想到成人和少年的分別 (因為作為一個成人，有的應該只是成人的煩惱吧？)
...我從來都是個成人，對我而言從來都没有少年期
所擔憂的從没有改變，那麼現在的迷惑又是為什麼...
覺悟不足
但我已經成人了，不其然想到成人和少年的分別 (因為作為一個成人，有的應該只是成人的煩惱吧？)
...我從來都是個成人，對我而言從來都没有少年期
所擔憂的從没有改變，那麼現在的迷惑又是為什麼...
覺悟不足
Monday, April 12, 2010
Direction
I am capable of many things, that I know, given of enough time, I can become a master of many crafts.
I feel like... being just a student in university is not enough. I should indulge myself in more skills, to pursue them.
Music is my interest and happiness, i will pursue it.
Skill in developing and utilizing my physical assest, such as bodyguarding skills, are necessarily, I will pursue them.
What I am looking for now however, is the skill of production.
Jack of all trades... we can be anything, but it is sad when we don't have something that we are particularly interested in. Coz for the rest of our lives, we will be forced to do different kind of things that we are not particularly interested in (when it comes to for our livings).
I feel like... being just a student in university is not enough. I should indulge myself in more skills, to pursue them.
Music is my interest and happiness, i will pursue it.
Skill in developing and utilizing my physical assest, such as bodyguarding skills, are necessarily, I will pursue them.
What I am looking for now however, is the skill of production.
Jack of all trades... we can be anything, but it is sad when we don't have something that we are particularly interested in. Coz for the rest of our lives, we will be forced to do different kind of things that we are not particularly interested in (when it comes to for our livings).
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
為君而死
近來這個詞經常在我的腦海中出現，所以今日grocery shop後候車時候思考了一下"為君而死"同“為君而活"既分別。
之所以會想到依個詞其實都同"目標"有關...
讀書時讀到話一個democratic and free society 應該係建基於人民既general will 之上，但很明顯... 現今再想找到什麼general will 既集體協議... 根本就冇嘛！ 我又不是什麼天生魅力超群既人... 教育或者領導什麼的，冇共識既話大概很難成功。
對於"完美世界"這個願望既前景就同今日既天空一樣： 灰暗，不透光，隨時下雪——— 没啥好高興的。
如果想為整個世界盡忠太難既話，退而求其次，只為一個人盡忠好像簡單得多了...
嘛~ 簡單點說，思想上我又是在逃避了...
直接講結論好了: “為君而活"比"為君而死"難得多。 因為啊~ 如果只是為了某人去死的話...就假設是為了成就他人既人生吧，死了一了百了，没有麻煩，而且可以由自己控制，能夠看成忠於自己。但是為了某人而活的話...如字面意義一樣，雖然呼吸食飯訓覺的都是自己，不過意義什麼的都是他人的了...簡單點來講，没有靈魂。
所謂既"寄托"嗎？...還真是無聊。
不過聽起來挺不負責任的，I am totally fine with that
...總比不為任何事物生或死強。
近來破壞慾又變強了...真難壓制
考試既副作用 -_-
之所以會想到依個詞其實都同"目標"有關...
讀書時讀到話一個democratic and free society 應該係建基於人民既general will 之上，但很明顯... 現今再想找到什麼general will 既集體協議... 根本就冇嘛！ 我又不是什麼天生魅力超群既人... 教育或者領導什麼的，冇共識既話大概很難成功。
對於"完美世界"這個願望既前景就同今日既天空一樣： 灰暗，不透光，隨時下雪——— 没啥好高興的。
如果想為整個世界盡忠太難既話，退而求其次，只為一個人盡忠好像簡單得多了...
嘛~ 簡單點說，思想上我又是在逃避了...
直接講結論好了: “為君而活"比"為君而死"難得多。 因為啊~ 如果只是為了某人去死的話...就假設是為了成就他人既人生吧，死了一了百了，没有麻煩，而且可以由自己控制，能夠看成忠於自己。但是為了某人而活的話...如字面意義一樣，雖然呼吸食飯訓覺的都是自己，不過意義什麼的都是他人的了...簡單點來講，没有靈魂。
所謂既"寄托"嗎？...還真是無聊。
不過聽起來挺不負責任的，I am totally fine with that
...總比不為任何事物生或死強。
近來破壞慾又變強了...真難壓制
考試既副作用 -_-
Friday, April 9, 2010
Dear Diary #22 (Dream)
Dear Diary,
I was exhausted yesterday so i slept at 10
Didn't wakeup until 9 today
What I am trying to say is... i had a dream last night, an usual one. Giving me a bit of lonliness after waking up, more of missing however.
In my dream, I have a long met friend, his name is "豪", I called him "呀豪" in my dream.
The background world... i'm pretty sure it's not earth, cause everything's so perfect, but the place looks like a mix of Canada and HK that's it. Other than 呀豪, some others that I have met in Canada showed up in dream as well.
The story starts with... yea, after a Sunday morning and the mass's over (weird, I have not been to a mass for long time already). I went there with 呀豪 and some of my friends from Canada. Perhaps there was too many people, when the mass's over, everyone tried to flush outside of the place and we were separated. It took me about 15 to 30 mins to relocate the scattered friends (surely the place was big, some of us had to leave from the underground tunnel because the frontdoor was so crammed already. The exit of the tunnel leads us to the foot of the hill wihle the frontdoor of the church is located at the waist of it)
I was able to contact everyone, except for 呀豪. So I kept searching for him, others joined to help as well, but regradless of how hard I searched, I still couldn't find him. I thought he might go to some places that he would go usually, so I traveled everywhere that I know to see if I was able to find him; gardens by gardens, places by places, houses by houses, doors by doors, but I could still find nothing. Others helped and tried to search in different places, but their efforts were also in vain.
And so the bright morning and afternoon were gone and soon the sun had set... I had no other means but to tell 豪's parent that he's gone missing. His parents were not very happy when they saw me, for I am his best friend, yet I lost him, and I failed to find him.
One thing very special abt 豪's house is that, his house is a restaurant, more like a pub actually. The ground floor's for business and Ho's bedroom is at the second floor.
I decided to wait in his room, hopefully he would return as time pass by... but he didn't.
When it is almost dawn of the next day. His father decided to search for 豪 himself and he brought me along. I never knew where was the confidence he showed from,the only emotion I had received from his was his unsatisfactory of losing and not capable of finding 豪 despite I am his best friend, but scarcely any fear or worry of his son gone missing. On his way driving, he scolded me again another time for failing to my best friend. He scolded me in such an angry tone that I can still remember the words he said:
"You claimed to be my son's best friend, yet, HOW MUCH do you really know of him, HUH?"
I wanted to argue that I do, but when I tried to list examples for myself such as... I knew where he'd go usually, I noticed: ".. just because I he appeared to be in those places for that one time does not mean anything"
... and nothing else?
"You don't know my son," 豪's dad continued "If you knew him, you would understand him, you would look at him closely and understand him better than now you do!"
The day had become bright again just as he drove and talked, and while he was still talking, I could already see 呀豪 through the windshield, running before the car... there's a plastic toy plane before him and he's flying it happily... running, and enjoying himself blissfully.
After being scolded by his dad, this time I wanted to pay full attention to all his acts, to understand him better and watch him closely; until this moment, I started to notice that he was so bright as if his person's growing (he is, in the dream, is that because he was dressed in white?), his body seemed so light and young while he kept runnign and jumping, playing and having fun like the purest and happiest soul... (he looked like 8 years old kid in my dream, at that moment)
豪's dad parked the car beside the grassfield, we stopped and just kept our eyes on 豪 quietly... and I told myself: "Yea, from this day on, I will look at his every act carefully now, to understand him better..."
---
Of course, I was a little bit missing that 呀豪 after waking up from my dreams. But since I know it's not real (i felt like i was 16 or younger in that dream, wthbbq <--- swearing is a mark of growth), there is nothing much that really worths feeling regretful for.
And it's half-past 9, I slept 11 hours... godforbid, i still have work undone, so I had to crawl out from bed asap.
I did, have a friend called 豪 before when I was small, studying in primary school. He was my best friend, a quiet person... and.. yea, I have not seen him anymore ever since graduating from my highschool. Thinking of him reminds me of the happy times we had together when we were small.
I hope he is still doing fine on the other side of earth... does he still remember me? Would he still think of me every now and then?...
I pray for you, my long-ago friend, the memory shards of you are still with me...
Have a nice day, hope you can laugh as happy and innocent as you did in my dream.
I was exhausted yesterday so i slept at 10
Didn't wakeup until 9 today
What I am trying to say is... i had a dream last night, an usual one. Giving me a bit of lonliness after waking up, more of missing however.
In my dream, I have a long met friend, his name is "豪", I called him "呀豪" in my dream.
The background world... i'm pretty sure it's not earth, cause everything's so perfect, but the place looks like a mix of Canada and HK that's it. Other than 呀豪, some others that I have met in Canada showed up in dream as well.
The story starts with... yea, after a Sunday morning and the mass's over (weird, I have not been to a mass for long time already). I went there with 呀豪 and some of my friends from Canada. Perhaps there was too many people, when the mass's over, everyone tried to flush outside of the place and we were separated. It took me about 15 to 30 mins to relocate the scattered friends (surely the place was big, some of us had to leave from the underground tunnel because the frontdoor was so crammed already. The exit of the tunnel leads us to the foot of the hill wihle the frontdoor of the church is located at the waist of it)
I was able to contact everyone, except for 呀豪. So I kept searching for him, others joined to help as well, but regradless of how hard I searched, I still couldn't find him. I thought he might go to some places that he would go usually, so I traveled everywhere that I know to see if I was able to find him; gardens by gardens, places by places, houses by houses, doors by doors, but I could still find nothing. Others helped and tried to search in different places, but their efforts were also in vain.
And so the bright morning and afternoon were gone and soon the sun had set... I had no other means but to tell 豪's parent that he's gone missing. His parents were not very happy when they saw me, for I am his best friend, yet I lost him, and I failed to find him.
One thing very special abt 豪's house is that, his house is a restaurant, more like a pub actually. The ground floor's for business and Ho's bedroom is at the second floor.
I decided to wait in his room, hopefully he would return as time pass by... but he didn't.
When it is almost dawn of the next day. His father decided to search for 豪 himself and he brought me along. I never knew where was the confidence he showed from,the only emotion I had received from his was his unsatisfactory of losing and not capable of finding 豪 despite I am his best friend, but scarcely any fear or worry of his son gone missing. On his way driving, he scolded me again another time for failing to my best friend. He scolded me in such an angry tone that I can still remember the words he said:
"You claimed to be my son's best friend, yet, HOW MUCH do you really know of him, HUH?"
I wanted to argue that I do, but when I tried to list examples for myself such as... I knew where he'd go usually, I noticed: ".. just because I he appeared to be in those places for that one time does not mean anything"
... and nothing else?
"You don't know my son," 豪's dad continued "If you knew him, you would understand him, you would look at him closely and understand him better than now you do!"
The day had become bright again just as he drove and talked, and while he was still talking, I could already see 呀豪 through the windshield, running before the car... there's a plastic toy plane before him and he's flying it happily... running, and enjoying himself blissfully.
After being scolded by his dad, this time I wanted to pay full attention to all his acts, to understand him better and watch him closely; until this moment, I started to notice that he was so bright as if his person's growing (he is, in the dream, is that because he was dressed in white?), his body seemed so light and young while he kept runnign and jumping, playing and having fun like the purest and happiest soul... (he looked like 8 years old kid in my dream, at that moment)
豪's dad parked the car beside the grassfield, we stopped and just kept our eyes on 豪 quietly... and I told myself: "Yea, from this day on, I will look at his every act carefully now, to understand him better..."
---
Of course, I was a little bit missing that 呀豪 after waking up from my dreams. But since I know it's not real (i felt like i was 16 or younger in that dream, wthbbq <--- swearing is a mark of growth), there is nothing much that really worths feeling regretful for.
And it's half-past 9, I slept 11 hours... godforbid, i still have work undone, so I had to crawl out from bed asap.
I did, have a friend called 豪 before when I was small, studying in primary school. He was my best friend, a quiet person... and.. yea, I have not seen him anymore ever since graduating from my highschool. Thinking of him reminds me of the happy times we had together when we were small.
I hope he is still doing fine on the other side of earth... does he still remember me? Would he still think of me every now and then?...
I pray for you, my long-ago friend, the memory shards of you are still with me...
Have a nice day, hope you can laugh as happy and innocent as you did in my dream.
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